I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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