i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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