I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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