I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize