wanna go halves on a baby?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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