I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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