im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Boobs speak an international language.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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