you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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