I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize