spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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