We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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