I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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