Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
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We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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