i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize