i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
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I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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