Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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