you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
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My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
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i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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