is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize