Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
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After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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