I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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