Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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