Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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