he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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