I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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