ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
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i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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