i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
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Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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