god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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