i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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