Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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