Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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