Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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