I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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