So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
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Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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