My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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