apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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