I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize