We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
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He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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