thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize