i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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