you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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