spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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