drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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