i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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