she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
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I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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