my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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