I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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