if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize