As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize