i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
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THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I love you. Go after that dick
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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