I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize